What happened to my miracle?

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God, I have to be honest (which I think you prefer over lip service): believing you had healed my baby only to find out her condition has worsened and she has to undergo surgery is hard. I feel like a kid at Christmas who unwraps the gift I’ve been begging for all year only to discover it’s faulty and has to be sent to the manufacturer for repairs. And all the other kids around me are happily playing with their presents and showing them off and posting pics of them on Facebook.

I know that you are not a genie in a magic lamp who I can summon at will and present my wishes to. But you said in Luke 17:6: “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”

I’m pretty sure I had at least a mustard seed of faith, possibly even an acorn. And just in case I didn’t, I asked my friends and family to pray too so that all of our prayers together might be enough to move your hand.

And when you were knitting Lucy together in my womb, as per Psalm 139:13, we prayed that she would have the best of Jon and the best of me in her. I’m not sure how this translates into a genetically pre-disposed hip condition. Did you drop a stitch?

Walking with you can be perplexing and some scriptures seem so paradoxical. I find the older I get and the more I read and experience, the less I know.

But I’ve walked with you now for over twenty years and there are a handful of things I do know beyond a doubt. I have experienced the truth of them enough times to be convinced of them:

You are a good father. (Psalm 100:5)

You will never leave me or forsake me. (Deuteronomy 1:6)

You are constantly at work to make every circumstance beneficial for me. (Romans 8:28)

Lucy gets so upset now whenever I leave the room and I have to console her on my return. I find myself saying soothing things like, “Oh my baby, just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not here”.

And, “My darling, you need to learn to trust me. I’ll never leave you on your own.”

And, “Lucy, everything I’m doing is only for your good.”

And I can almost feel you poke me in the ribs and chuckle and say to me, “Sound familiar, Jen?”

And then I know – regardless of the confusion of prayers seemingly unanswered – that everything really will be alright.

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9 thoughts on “What happened to my miracle?

  1. Wow, Jenn — I am so sad for you, and still so blessed by your genuineness and your honesty. I trust with you that “everything will be alright” — and have this thought that might be a nudge from the Spirit (and might not) — from John 9 “neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” We might only see the messy underside of a tapestry God is weaving, but I will pray and trust with you — it is going to be beautiful when we see the whole picture.

  2. Hi Jen, you are so brave.
    As a mum too, I can’t imagine how scary it must feel. I saw your blog for the first time a few days ago and think how you are writing about your experiences is really lovely and honest and will be a great source of comfort to a lot of parents.

    I am a paediatric physiotherapist and while I don’t very often see kids with this specific condition at the same stage as Lucy (being more community and neurological than orthopaedic) I do work with lots of little ones who do and have had surgery and hip spicas and other interventions. I know that with your faith and love and the amazing happy life your little Lucy has, you’ll all get through this very bumpy, scary path God seems to have set for you.

    Kids are incredibly robust and determined and I am constantly in awe of what they can cope with and adapt to! (This goes for their parents too!!)

    Lots of love and prayers, Bron

  3. Michael

    Dear Child Of God. There is so much I would love to tell you. But a) there is neither the time nor the space here and b) there is no reason why you would take my words over the words of any other person around you.

    All I want to tell you right now is that you are looking at this from the wrong perspective! You have to first ask yourself, who has brought this on your child. Was it your Father in Heaven or could it be that our adversary is responsible for that? Once you settled this question your prayer might change from pleading God to intervene, to commanding the enemy to flea and to speak healing and life over your child in Jesus’ name.

    You have to ask yourself which kind of prayer expresses faith? You use the biblical term of mustard seed that is correct and Jesus told us what we can do with it. His example is to speak to the mountain to be moved (shortening the meaning here) rather than to ask God to move the mountain for you.

    I belong to a growing group of Christians all over the world that have learned to trust the Word of God over all traditions of men and I am at your disposal should you have questions and/or want to enter into a conversation.

    In the meantime I pray this prayer: Spirit of inequity I command you to release the grip on this little girl and GO in the name of Jesus Christ, Son of God. I speak life and complete healing over this little girl in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.

    Love to you
    Michael

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